Hide and Seek....Danielle Steele Inspired

As a writer there's a greed to commission perfect things. An ambition like insanity. Produce that perfect piece, obsessively sell that product, two finally immaculately manicured fingers at the world. This was making me alienate myself. At one point i thought you could crunch out words like accounting numbers. Zeuslike in my own warped ideals of roboticism. I think i've swallowed my fathers need, and vulnerability to glorify himself. Writing, real writing is like ripping out your heart and folding it on paper. I watched Danielle Steele's autobiography, i've been through so much American idol i was expecting everyone to have a sob story like a Mecca. It's strange that hearing she started off rich, loaded as a shotgun, had me feeling...strangely despondent. Although reading that some of her characters were Danielle Lurking in between the pages, i can chew that. I wanted to hear how she dealt with 'page syndrome', 'writers block' other's call it, what makes her plow through feelings of frustrated inadequacy, instead it leaked about 'quests for love, and broken marriages'. I was listening to one of Anthony Robbins tapes where he discussed writing for the waste paper basket. That really helped with my work. I've written two novels, and like many writers a collective of Jamboree ideas. One completed piece when I was on holiday in Cape Verde. My second novel,  is a stubborn piece,i've been writing, editing, combing through for two years now. Sometime's she's as neat as hair brushed tidily for a nervous first day at school, other times she's like vomit on a page,  shambolic. Or twins, replicating different yet highly similar versions of herself. The message is always vulnerable, and naked. Repressed emotions, jump out like clowns, and i tap at the screen, wondering where the hell did that come from? I guess that's what happens when we play hide and seek with ourselves. Your writing kindof catches you.


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