War of arms

I was thinking about the emotional war within. How sometimes we feel one way about our lives and other days we feel completely different. Life can be completely topsy turvy, upside down and inside out. Last week i dragged the remnants of my self esteem home, because the ghosts of my pasts chased me down and reminded me i needed to be smarter about my choices. My head was upside down, and i thought i would recycle myself all over again. You hide pain from the world and it jangles for everyone to see like keys. I hid pain in clear sight pretending like it doesn't exist. The hardest thing in life to admit is that we need help. Sometimes in life we play emotional hide and seek with ourselves, we are a version of ourselves we don't like. I was angry for such a long time about so many things it burned a hole in my heart. For years i was furious about so many things, but anger has always kept me safe. Sometimes anger keeps you sane, anger keeps you going. I used anger to discipline myself, then when the anger ran out i found new things to be angry about. Anger keeps us safe, it protects us from our belief that we can be vulnerable. Most of us smile through pain, we laugh through our fears. We run when were anxious, when were curious, when were scared, when were broken hearted or when were in pain. When i was younger the best way to deal with hurt feelings or a broken heart was to run. Sometimes your hurt about all the little things and you don't even know it.


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